Living in or of the world?

So many times I have walked by a wine & deli place, wishing I was sitting there, eating salad and drinking wine.

Last weekend I got a day all to myself, which, by the way, hasn’t happened in many months. So I was very excited.  I decided to go to that place I had been dreaming about for a long time. I ordered a hugely expensive salad and glass of wine, and sat down at a table by the window, so that I could see the people walking by (and so that they could see me).

So, I thought to myself, now I am one of them, the fancy people who have salad and wine for lunch.

And it was nice. But that’s about it. Didn’t feel different. Only a little irritated about the fact that I just spent 17 euros on salad and wine for one single person.

When I watch TV, read blogs, when I’m grocery shopping, I see people that have things I want. That jacket, that beautiful braid in her hair, that clear skin, oh man, if we only could afford an Emmaljunga-stroller! Surprisingly often I turn into a superficial materialist.

And there’s another thing I’ve thought about. I have often noticed and admired people who walk/run by with a cup of coffee in their hand. What an exciting and important life they must lead, since they don’t even have time to sit down for coffee!

But lately, I have started to discern what’s really going on. I have, for some reason, started to glorify that busy, money centered lifestyle that I have tried so hard to distance myself from. But my flesh has again made me think that expensive lunches and take-away coffee are in so many ways better than the salad and the coffee I make at home. The world keeps feeding me lies about how my life should be, and I often buy it all.

So I’m glad I went to that wine & deli restaurant last weekend. I’m glad because it made remember what I truly long for.

I like time for myself, but I long for togetherness.

I like pretty things, but I long for love, wisdom, inner peace and beauty.

I like getting away and seeing new things, but I long for a home. I want to belong somewhere.

Do migrating birds have a home? Where do they belong?

And yes, about the coffee. I realized that I am lucky to have the time to sit down in a comfortable couch and enjoy my coffee that I’ve made with love, instead of having to rush from a place to another and have my caffeine on the go just to stay awake.

So what about you, is the flesh distracting you from appreciating what you already have? Are the lies of the world keeping you from discerning what your heart truly longs for?

I’m glad to be able to share some of my thoughts again after a longer break. When I think about it, those 17 euros were well spent.