Motherhood

I've been hesitating about writing a post on this topic. I feel that I have so little to say, since I've technically only been a mother for three months. But I figured that if I wait until I've become the perfect mom with all the wisdom and knowledge, this post would never be posted. I believe and hope, that as a mother, I am allowed to make mistakes and learn from them. I believe that, by the grace of God, I will get wiser and more caring and loving everyday in the lifelong task of being a mother. Therefore, I want to give "motherhood" a shot.

This time last spring I got pregnant, but it would be another couple of weeks until we found out about it. Since then, my life has never been the same. I could write so much about the beauty of carrying a child, so I'll save that for a later post.

So I mentioned that I've only been a mother for three months, but for me, it feels like I was born a mother. My first niece was born when I was only 11 years old, and I use to joke about that I've had baby fever ever since then. However, there is something to it. I've always felt that being a mother is something that I'm called to be. In their book "Captivating", John and Stasi Eldredge discuss the theme "mothering", and according to them, mothering doesn't have to involve having a child. Mothering is also to care for, nurture and love the people around you. This deeper meaning of mothering, without involving actual parenthood, is something I also feel very strongly to be my calling. As my heart goes out to those who, for one reason or another, cannot have a child on their own, I also believe that the longing for being a mother can be met in other ways than having a child. There are so many people out there who are in desperate need of warmth and love.

For me personally, up until now, motherhood hasn't been as challenging as I've visioned it. This is probably because you mostly hear about the downsides of parenthood. Even if there have been times when we've felt confused and unsecure, we feel that we've gotten off to a good start. We love seeing our daughter grow and learn new things every day, and I mean literally everyday!

However, for me, it was not love at first sight. I've been around a lot of babies, so having one of my own wasn't that big of a deal. In fact, I have been a little worried; why wasn't I overwhealmed with joy when my daughter was finally born? Where were the tears of joy I'd anticipated? Fortunately, I have got to learn, through my family and my marriage, that love is not a feeling. It is a decision. I also know that if I stay close to The Source of Love, I will never run out of it. Therefore, I have been able to tell my daughter that I love her, and most often she responds by giving me a huge, toothless smile. I do realize, however, that there will be days when she's not that easy to love. There may come sleepless nights when she's teething, there may come days when she throws tantrums every other minute. And since I'm only human, these things may come to put my nerves to the test. Then I once again have to choose to love, and put my trust in The Source.

So I believe that these first three months of motherhood have been among the easiest ones that I'm going to have. As my daughter grows, there will be new challenges, and I will need more love and wisdom to cope with them. Thinking about this is for me quite overwhealming. It is our responsibility to teach her good morals and to treat poeple and all living things with respect. Also, it already hurts me to know that she will face hurt and sorrow in her life. I would rather cry her tears and take her pain and hurt upon myself than seeing her suffer. But that's not for me to do. But I can stand by her side through good and bad times, and share both her joy and her sorrow. I feel so blessed and priviledged to have been given the responsibility of raising a life. I will probably never become the perfect mom, but I will try my best and thank the Lord for new grace every morning.


Oh, yes. I waited 2½ months for the tears of joy. They came running down my face at the sound of the first, bubbling laughter of my baby girl.

Noticing the simple and the small

My gift is seeing beauty in simple things, and this is particularly easy during the spring. Beeing reminded of the victory of life everytime I go outside is awesome.

This afternoon I walked along the river with the baby sleeping in the stroller. I had our camera with me, since I had to take some photos for my project in Geography. I also photographed other things that catched my eye. I hope they can make you smile as well.

 Terns fishing. When I came home and looked at the photos I´d taken, I noticed that the left one actually has a fish in its beak!

 The magpie is such a common bird that we hardly notice it. But if you happen to see it from the right angle in the sunlight, you will see that it's feathers shimmer like emerald and ruby.

I managed to photograph he common goldeneye, eventhough he was busy diving for something to eat. It's hard to tell from this picture, but he actually has bright, yellow eyes.

 It's still kind of gray outside, but it is just a matter of days before nature bursts with color.

My favourite, the pheasant.

I also had a song playing in my head as I strolled along. It is a song that we sang in the children's choir when I was little, and today I was reminded of it. It is about walking "close to the ground" so that you can see all the wonders of God, and at the same time a prayer for the future, that we would never grow up to be so big that we can't see the small ones. Even if it's a children's song, I think the message is relevant. 

I never want to become that busy or stressed or self-absorbed that I don't notice the leaf buds in the spring or the majestic pheasant, or even worse, the worry in my friends eyes, because then I know I've lost a huge part of who I am.

Living the Good Life

I truly enjoy the occasional evenings when I get to discuss matters of Life with my husband. Nowadays most of our conversations circle around the baby (diapers, bathing, feeding...) so I really cherish these moments when our daughter goes to sleep early and we can make ourselves comfortable in the couch with blankets and a cup of blueberry tea, or perhaps a glass of red wine.

We often talk about how to live the Good Life. It is so easy to hurry through life without really living, and then I mean really living. 

So what do I mean by really living? I'm not saying I have the ultimate answer, but I think there are some things that one should consider when pondering upon the great mystery of life. This is what I've discovered so far:

Relationships

Everytime we discuss life and what makes it worth living, we always end up concluding that relationships are the most important. The most important relationship with our Creator and Saviour makes it possible for us to really live, and having a family and very close friends to share life and grow together with is truly what brings meaning to our lives. 

Health

For people who know us, this is a given. My husband and I are health freaks, and we're not ashamed to say it.  Now this blog is not about diet or strenght training (but maybe we should start one of those one day..) but I still want to state that being healthy, both physically, mentally, and spiritually as well, is an important part of living a Good Life. However, we have also realized that man is imperfect in more than one way, also when it comes to this area. But maybe striving for living a healthy life is good enough..?

Becoming who I'm supposed to be

This winter I realized that my life will never be boring. Wherever I live, whatever I do, I can always learn more. I can always grow. I can always work on my personality. With God I can leave behind things that are dragging me down, and receive more love so that I can become more whole. With Him I become wholer everyday.

Seizing the day

I know, I know. Carpe Diem. It's a cliché, but still, it's a good one. Writing this blog is actually an exercise for me in trying to be present and live in the now. Being present also makes it possible for you to make your own decisions about your life, instead of just going with the flow. Since the Hebrew name for God means "I am", which tells us that God also is, and that He is in the now, then that´s where I want to be.

Aside from these things, we have also come to the conclusion that no two lives should be the same. Somehow people have the idea of that there is only one way of living. This ideal life often involves having a lot of money, so that you can buy the things that you feel will bring you happiness. But having a lot of money most often comes from working real hard, which in turn may come with having to sacrifice time together with family and friends or taking care of your health. So for us, having a lot of money will not bring happiness. This illusion of one ideal way of living really frustrates me, since poeple who, for one reason or another, can´t live up to this feel that they´re failing in life. I believe that God has a different plan for everyone, an adventure in store for us if we only let Him take the lead.

So to us, living the Good Life is letting the Good Captain take the wheel.