Motherhood

I've been hesitating about writing a post on this topic. I feel that I have so little to say, since I've technically only been a mother for three months. But I figured that if I wait until I've become the perfect mom with all the wisdom and knowledge, this post would never be posted. I believe and hope, that as a mother, I am allowed to make mistakes and learn from them. I believe that, by the grace of God, I will get wiser and more caring and loving everyday in the lifelong task of being a mother. Therefore, I want to give "motherhood" a shot.

This time last spring I got pregnant, but it would be another couple of weeks until we found out about it. Since then, my life has never been the same. I could write so much about the beauty of carrying a child, so I'll save that for a later post.

So I mentioned that I've only been a mother for three months, but for me, it feels like I was born a mother. My first niece was born when I was only 11 years old, and I use to joke about that I've had baby fever ever since then. However, there is something to it. I've always felt that being a mother is something that I'm called to be. In their book "Captivating", John and Stasi Eldredge discuss the theme "mothering", and according to them, mothering doesn't have to involve having a child. Mothering is also to care for, nurture and love the people around you. This deeper meaning of mothering, without involving actual parenthood, is something I also feel very strongly to be my calling. As my heart goes out to those who, for one reason or another, cannot have a child on their own, I also believe that the longing for being a mother can be met in other ways than having a child. There are so many people out there who are in desperate need of warmth and love.

For me personally, up until now, motherhood hasn't been as challenging as I've visioned it. This is probably because you mostly hear about the downsides of parenthood. Even if there have been times when we've felt confused and unsecure, we feel that we've gotten off to a good start. We love seeing our daughter grow and learn new things every day, and I mean literally everyday!

However, for me, it was not love at first sight. I've been around a lot of babies, so having one of my own wasn't that big of a deal. In fact, I have been a little worried; why wasn't I overwhealmed with joy when my daughter was finally born? Where were the tears of joy I'd anticipated? Fortunately, I have got to learn, through my family and my marriage, that love is not a feeling. It is a decision. I also know that if I stay close to The Source of Love, I will never run out of it. Therefore, I have been able to tell my daughter that I love her, and most often she responds by giving me a huge, toothless smile. I do realize, however, that there will be days when she's not that easy to love. There may come sleepless nights when she's teething, there may come days when she throws tantrums every other minute. And since I'm only human, these things may come to put my nerves to the test. Then I once again have to choose to love, and put my trust in The Source.

So I believe that these first three months of motherhood have been among the easiest ones that I'm going to have. As my daughter grows, there will be new challenges, and I will need more love and wisdom to cope with them. Thinking about this is for me quite overwhealming. It is our responsibility to teach her good morals and to treat poeple and all living things with respect. Also, it already hurts me to know that she will face hurt and sorrow in her life. I would rather cry her tears and take her pain and hurt upon myself than seeing her suffer. But that's not for me to do. But I can stand by her side through good and bad times, and share both her joy and her sorrow. I feel so blessed and priviledged to have been given the responsibility of raising a life. I will probably never become the perfect mom, but I will try my best and thank the Lord for new grace every morning.


Oh, yes. I waited 2½ months for the tears of joy. They came running down my face at the sound of the first, bubbling laughter of my baby girl.